Leaving Home

Where is home?

School has just ended.  The kids are happy to rest and relax, no pressures on homework and projects for the next couple of months.  It also means saying goodbye to some friends whose families are moving out of Vietnam.  Soon, it will be our turn.

At age 11, I left home for the first time. I stayed in a boarding house in the city during my high school years, and went home every weekend.  At university, I stayed in a campus dorm and went home every month.  The kids had their first stay of "leaving" when we moved to KL.  After a while, we settled down and KL felt like home.  We met good people who patiently helped us find our way - where the wet market was, what to do when we got a parking ticket - helped us move to a new apartment, and with whom we spent holidays and had barbecue parties with.  After a few years, we left home. To go back home.

The world seems smaller now, more people are moving, and moving again.  A sense of adventure, discovery and desire for growth had taken hold of the younger generation especially. Connectivity in this digital world made being apart more manageable.  As people move, settle down, move again, where really is home?

Home, to us, is where our loved ones are, where we feel comfortable to be and accepted for who we are.  My daughter H has been to 5 schools.  Yes, the adjustment has not been easy but when I asked her if all the moving has been hard?  She said "not really as long as we're all together". 

And when one has to leave home,  here's a quote from Donald Miller  :

“Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.” 

Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road

Family Meals Matter - A Lot!

During a visit to my parents

Our family holds fast to our tradition of eating meals together.

Growing up in the province, we always have dinner together. Same with Sunday lunches. Everyone was expected to be home by dinner time. I don't recall much about what we talked about during meal times - local politics maybe, even what's latest about the neighbors :)

Studies show that having regular family dinner helps children get better nutrition, also better grades. Plus it reduces the likelihood of them smoking, getting into drugs, having eating disorders, getting into trouble. I read this first years ago as a feature article in a Sunday newspaper. Google "benefits of family dinner"  and lots of websites (like the 2 below) will pop out.

http://www.mealsmatter.org/Articles-And-Resources/Healthy-Living-Articles/Family-Meals.aspx

http://children.webmd.com/guide/family-dinners-are-important

We didn't have to read articles like these to know. When we started our family, my husband and I didn't even have to discuss it - we instinctively knew that family meals was the natural thing to do. Sharing our daily lives is an essential part of being a family, not just sharing last names and living under one roof.

The kids set the table. They like having their own
identifiable cup or glass to drink from :)

I look forward to dinnertime. We get to share how our day was. The other night, we talked about the boys' visit to a vegetarian restaurant, a class field trip - we asked what did they eat, how did it taste, did they try something new...When eating together, we get to notice also when someone is unusually quiet, or has a bad cough, or has long, dirty fingernails that need trimming :)  Big or small, these concerns need our attention and early intervention... During weekends, they help prepare the food, set the table and do the dishes...We believe the talks and the tasks contribute to character-building, to shaping their views about life, about the world.

I've read an article on how family dinners are good for parents, too. Not just for the kids.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2008/07/the_macandcheese_effect.html

Great findings but does it take research to know that? The family is a unit, a whole - one part gets problematic, the rest gets affected. And vice-versa. Don't parents feel happy and fulfilled when their kids are doing well in school, behaving properly and growing up responsibly? I do. I believe most parents do. It's a no-brainer, in my view.

As a working mom over the past 20 years, I know I have missed countless opportunities to network and build professional relationships - over dinner or even weekends;  I go when necessary but not that active :)I don't have regrets. My kids are doing well in school, they are thoughtful and caring, helpful at home. Call me simple but this for me is happiness.